summer solstice whimsy
i bring you 10 whimsical things
hi again,
and of course amongst all the whimsy, there is also the grief. the world is so hard and we are fragile as fuck, that has never been clearer actually. when they get to choose who lives and dies, and who is displaced where and when, and when health is but a gamble, a stroke of luck, or state-mediated, do we even feel like we get to choose anything? i watch as people are killed in gaza, as people get kidnapped off the streets, as cities burn and wildfire smoke rolls in yet another time, as adriana smith is disrespected and exploited well past her death (may she finally rest in peace), as isn’treal plays old games with the lives of the people of iran, as tweets roll into the feed saying that yet another person with my condition died via some form of medical neglect at the rate of what seems like one person a week. in all of this where we hold our attention matters.
in the midst of this i also choose to find some moments of joy. i am stuck in the fragility of life, i cannot be stuck in the fragility of life. i try to be grounded in our humanity. and i also see that i cannot choose comfort over the lives of others while we remain in the core of the empire and we keep on trying to move the needle with those around us, keep finding ways to fund lives, and try our best not to contribute to anyone’s death in the process. we are responsible for that much.
i hope you find some whimsy here with me, for only a moment.
1. using magnolias in cooking
i think a few years ago, alexis nikole (@blackforager) popularized using magnolia in cooking/baking through her viral videos showing us how to preserve magnolia and bake magnolia cookies. now i see magnolia being used everywhere, and maybe it’s just my explore pages pushing it out towards me but i want to try it so badly. tell my algorithm runner that they’re doing a good job. i’m not cooking much these days (shoutout to not being able to stand for long periods of time, thank you to my handful of conditions) but when i catch you magnolia …
2. jams from our jam guy
i love having a jam guy. he makes some of the best small batch jam we’ve had, ever, and sometimes he makes them with fruit from his backyard. when we moved, we serendipitously moved much closer to our jam guy so now he’s only a few blocks away. the other day, he gave us a few extra jams because he forgot to leave them out for us and felt bad. i’m not complaining, but i am gatekeeping because he sells out his flavors way too fast already (sorry). i’m most excited for his apricot jam and raspberry maple jam this year.
3. love life (the show)
william jackson harper. after his performance in the good place i have been wanting more of his endearing performances. ok, actually the first season has none of him, and is centered around anna kendrick’s character who i’m not finding particularly likable (that’s ok), and he does fumble through his relationships a lot at the expense of other people too, but there is something very human about watching them both move through their relationships imperfectly and having us as watchers be unsatisfied with their choices. most importantly, one of the episodes in each season is about friendship and it’s not perfect either and maybe substance use ‘recovery’ isn’t super well portrayed but what you do get to feel is that people are trying, even if some of it is out of selfishness and some of it is out of care. anyway. (am i even selling this show? (no, i’m not trying to sell you anything)). they would be remiss to call a show ‘love life’ and then not even mention platonic love.
4. watching my dog sleep
something is just so sweet and pure about the ways dogs snooze on their sides, belly exposed. there’s so much trust that we unlock in this relationship over time, that culminates in this sideways belly-out nap.
5. disability intimacy, edited by alice wong
i’m a slower reader these days, which makes me appreciate anthologies and essays, because i can leave off without needing to remember much in between each time i pick up the book again. it’s forgiving in this way. my favorites in this anthology are Crip Ecologies: Complicate the Conversation to Reclaim Power by Naomi Ortiz and “many of whom have never been and are like me and feel alienated by it:” Access Intimacy in Archives by Gracen Brilmyer ft. Travis Chi Wing Lau. and speaking of Alice Wong…
6. writing fellowship
i was recently awarded a disability visibility fellowship, sponsored by Alice Wong, for a spot in the unexpected shape writing academy this summer, which is hosted by Esmé Weijun Wang, the author of ‘the collected schizophrenias.’ i’m excited to learn again, to explore how to have a writing practice, and to be in the company of writers. the guest lecturers are incredible! i’m nervous about preserving my energy and pacing myself well enough through the program so that i don’t flare up my symptoms too badly. lucky for me, it’s built for writers living with limitations (i.e. disability, chronic illness, caregiving, parenting, etc.).
7. therapy
yes, this counts as whimsy, because it allows me to feel it. shoutout to going no contact with your parents (finally).
8. propitious mango and white peach ice creams
ok they got me. actually, i love that it’s a tiny airbrushed mango on a stick that tastes creamy and perfectly ripened. i love that they call it propitious, as if eating it is meant to usher in an era of good luck instead of an era of me taking 3 lactaid and hoping that’s enough.
9. lake (the game)
do i want to play as a gay mail carrier in the 80s in a small town filling in for my mail carrier dad who’s on an extended trip? yea! i do! i like a little escapism even though it’s career based! i like to drive around in the little mail cart and take my little pictures and drop off packages!
10. prospect park
god i love the park. i went to prospect park for the first time in nearly 3 years, and rejoiced in the lush greenness. the last time i was in a park was for my friend’s birthday picnic in 2022 at the start of my chronic illnesses when i was experiencing a more mild version of them. somehow, this park visit was essentially the inciting event to me becoming severely ill. something about it being too hot, too much energy expended, too much walking, too hard on my body. my body decided to give out. i still don’t know why it happened the way it did, and i held so much fear about returning, in case i would somehow experience a repeat of what had happened again. instead, i sat in the grass and saw a swan! and a pair of ducks! and celebrated my sister’s graduation! i’ve been deprived, after spending so much time in bed and at home, i almost forgot what it feels like to be alive. don’t worry though, i’m not running around and trying to go to the park every week. i’m resting it out. only doctor’s appointment outings for a while now.
if you need me, i’ll be trying to spot the bootids meteor shower next week from my roof.
happy solstice,
christina
Congratulations on the writing fellowship! And those jams look super yummy! I’ve been really interested in eating my produce in season only. And as some who love strawberries it’s been nice to get some locally grown ones.
love this and glad we connected in the Unexpected Shape!